Hammocks, early morning walks on the beach, swimming, relaxing, reading my Bible while listening to the waves crash in on the beach, that's how I spent my holiday week off.

Some good friends of ours, invited me to go along with them to El Salvador to spend the week at a vacation rental that they rented. I was very excited when I got the invitation! and was anxiously waiting for Monday morning to roll around, and finally it did. Early Monday morning, June 27th, me and 6 other friends, piled into a van on our way to El Salvador, ready to enjoy a week off  from school and our busy schedules, and just be able to rest.

Anyway, so, when we finally got through the border in El Salvador, after a very long day of driving, we finally arived at the house where we were going to stay. I had seen a few pictures of it on the website, but they seriously didn't do the place justice! As I stepped out of the van and through the gate, I could hear waves crashing over and over again onto the beach, and as I continued walking, I saw the most beautiful sight ever! A huge and vast ocean that stretched for miles and miles under a sunseting sky. As I ran over to the gate to stand and contemplate the beauty that I saw before me, I knew that the week was going to be a good one, and I just stood there awed by the beauty before me.

The next morning, I woke up and went and sat on the patio outside with my Bible and just sat and stared at the ocean, it was honestly the most peaceful setting that I have been in for my morning devotional. During the rest of the week, this continued to be my morning routine, sitting on the patio, listening to the waves crash in the ocean and read my Bible. Other times, I would simply go for a walk with Rebecca on the beach and we would both just stare and be amazed at the beautiful creation that God has created.  But more than just a good week with great friends and memories that will last forever, I found rest and peace for my heart.

I have lately been struggling with some different things in my life, things inside of me, things that only time with the Lord would fix. My week in El Salvador helped me to find that. Everytime I would look out at the ocean and hear the waves crashing in, I was reminded of God's sovereignty. I was reminded that, everything in my life is under control. He reminded me that, no matter what happens, and no matter where my journey leads me, He will always be right there beside me, and that all I need to do is hold on to His hand and trust Him, and He will guide me and make sure that I am okay. Even when things seem like they aren't very clear, and I begin to doubt him, He is still in control, and that, as long as I let Him, He always will be. That my identity is in Him and only in Him, and that, having him in my life, is more than enough.  Ah, what a great reminder!

So as I am back into the swing of things back at home, back to my crazy and busy schedule, I now have new strength to carry on and to fulfill the plans that God has for me for this year and to do what He has called me to do.
I am so very thankful for my week in El Salvador, it was great to spend time with some great friends and to experience a new place. But most of all, I am thankful for God's faithfulness, for always being constant in my life. I am thankful for having been remined of His greatness and reminded of the fact that He has me in His hands, and He will keep me safe. I am thankful, so very thankful,  that I was able to find true rest and peace,  in the beauty of creation.

My day at school today was quite interesting. I ended up spending most of my afternoon in the office with different students while they were solving out problems between each other. One of the situations that I sat in on, had to do with two of the students from the homeroom class that I am in charge of during the year. They had, had some sort of fight and in consequence, they ended up in the office.

So, as I sat in the office, listening to them try to sort out their problem, I couldn't keep from wondering if they would still end up getting a spanking for what they had done. ( yes, we spank in our highschool still.... ha.). As it turned out, they were asked if they would  like to get disciplined. They both said yes, so, as the first student got their spanking, I stood off to the side with the other one. As we stood there, she began to cry. As I watched her crying, I didn't really pay too much attention to what was going on inside of her. I was standing there thinking that she was probably crying more about the fact that she was going to get a spanking, then because of the fact of what had all happened.

But, as her turn came, and I stood there as  I watched the prinicple pray for her. Her crying became louder, and as soon as the paddle hit her, her crying began to turn into weeping, and all of the sudden she fell down  on her on knees. As I stood behind her watching her fall to her knees and cry, I began to feel like crying to. She was on the floor, saying over and over again how sorry she was, and saying how much she wanted to change.

During those few moments, I saw repentence, true repentene come from her heart. So many times there are problems that happen with my students that kind of just get resolved and everyone says sorry, and that's the end of it. But today, as I was in the office watching this girl cry down on her hands and knees, asking for forgiveness, my heart was moved. 

In those few moments, I felt and saw a glimpse of how God must feel when He watches me sin. When He sees me do things that are wrong, when I hurt other people, when I say things that aren't right among other things. His heart is saddened because of my sin, and He feels my pain. But what I also felt in those few moments, was the forgivness that He gives when we truly repent. He doesn't just stand there and watch us cry and repent before Him and let it be. No, He draws near to us, and tenderly holds us in His arms and gently whispers that " All is forgiven" and that there is no condemnation. What a gift! So undeserved, yet, so freely given.

 Something that can only come from, a  Father's heart, and a Father's tender love.

Cleaning. Its a hard task, it takes time, it takes energy, it's something you have to be willing to do. It doesn't happen on it's own, you have to decide that you want to do it, and then you do.
My heart. A part of me, that if I am not careful, will begin to accumulate junk. Whether it be in the form of envy, hate, disklike, ungratefulness, bitterness, worry, or anything else that is not from God.  It's like a sponge, that sucks everything up, and burries it deep down, and won't let go of it, unless I tell it to, unless I decide that it's time to clean.
You see, this past month has been a wake up alert for me. I have been seeing signs and have been hearing warning bells ring loudly in my head, telling me that the " junk" in my life, is getting to be too much.  The pile is getting to big to stay where it is, I either had put it somewhere to let it grow, or, begin to get rid of it completely. An easy task?  Not really.
Cleaning makes you get down on your hands and knees, it makes you get dirty, it makes you forget about your appearance for those few hours, and it makes you simply focus on the task that is ahead.
Cleaning out my heart is kind of like the same thing. I hae to get down on my hands and knees, and set my pride aside. I have to be willing to listen to the truth, the real truth, and not pretend that I don't care. I have to be willing to set aside my  appearance, and simply be humble.
 To truly clean, God asks me to leave  everything else aside, and reminds me that  I am only human, and that until I reach heaven, I will continue to make mistakes. But that the mistakes I make, can become either a blessing, or a curse. I have to decide. Will I let my mistakes mold me and shape me and help me become stronger? Or will I allow them to cripple me, and also cripple my walk with Christ? It's a decision, and it takes humility, a humility that only Christ can give me.
So as I continue to clean out my heart, to remove the junk that will cripple me if I allow it, I look to the cross. I look to the one who is standing there with His arms open wide, offering  grace and mercy. Reminding me of the blood that was shed so that I could find forgivness, and be given, undeserving grace.

So on Saturday night,  I went with the team to go and do their cultural experience. The one where they go to a guatemalan family's house, go the cornmill, make dobladas and eat delicious arroz con leche!  :o).  Anyway, I ended up getting there about 1/2 an hour earlier than the team did, and so it just ended up being me and the lady of the house who went to the cornmill. As we walked down the small dirt path leading to the cornmill, I stopped to look around me. There were huge bunches of corn growing around me, you could see smoke coming out of people's kitchens, children playing outside their houses, and a game of soccer going on with some of the men from the village. It was around 6 pm, and so the sun was beginning to set, but it was still the perfect temperature outside. So, eventually, we got to the cornmill and we waited in line as other women and girls from the village were getting their corn made into mush for making tortillas.
As I stood there watching them come in to the mill, with a bucket of corn on their head, dressed in the typical clothing from here and having little to no jewlery on, the word " simplicity" came in to my head. Simplicity, simple, enjoying life as it comes. Doing tasks day after day, the same ones..over and over again....but enjoying it while it lasts, because, in the end, it's life and tomorrow never rolls around again.
For most of the girls and ladies who came through that door, going to the cornmill is just part of their daily routine. They do it for breakfast, lunch and supper. There is no such thing as a " major grocery shop trip" for them. Every day they go the market to buy whyat they need. Every day is lived as it comes, no agendas, no crazy busy schedules, no planning 2 weeks ahead. Just life, as it comes, one step at a time.
You see, simplictiy is what makes me LOVE  Guatemala. The way that relationships are everything, that planning crazy ahead in advance, is almost a foreign concept. The fact that, friends  are almost always availabe,  or that wedding invitations get given out the week before, or sometimes, the night before, and we still usually end up attending.  Life is something that gets lived here. It is something that gets enjoyed to the fullest of its ability. It's not that there is no planning done whatsoever, there is. But, a key word in guatemalan vocabulary, is: flexibility. Being flexible, being open to changing your schedule, in order to bless someone elses day, or to be there for someone else. It's what they do, something I do,  and it's something I love about them.
Simple. Uncomplicated. Life  lived the way I believe it was intended to be. People and relationships being the first priority. Family and friends always coming first. It's Guatemala, it's the country I love. It's the place that will forever in my heart be called, Home.

Forgiveness. Probably one of the hardest things that us as humans have to display on a daily basis, and if not daily, at least a few times a week.
We live in an unperfect world, with unperfect people. People hurt us, they say mean things, we say mean things. We mess up, they mess up, I mean we might as well face it, forgiveness is a definite MUST. All the time, there are things about other people, or situations, that we have to decide to forgive. Forgivness is a choice, not a feeling, and with forgivness also comes forgetting.
I never understand when people say, I will forgive you, but I won't forget it. I mean, what's the point of forgiving me, if you aren't going to forget what happened? Why hold on to hurt, when you can just let it go. Why continue to replay what happened over and over in your head until you start feeling upset again? Really, it makes no sense.
If I am going to truly demonstarte forgiveness, that means I need to forget, to the same extent that I forgive. I need to be able know in my heart that I haven' t just forgiven what was done, but I have also forgotten it. If God can do it for us, I know that He can help us do it for other people.
These last few weeks have been tough for me, and forgivness has been a lesson I am having to re-learn. It's hard, it's tough, and it asks for me to be humble. It's a  difficult lesson to learn, a lesson that throughout life, many times we have to learn over.  Forgivness asks for me to love people no matter what they have done. It asks me to forget, to move on, to  believe in them again, and to trust them.  It's something I can't do on my own.
But as these last few weeks have gone by, and I have found myself needing to forgive different people,  to truly forgive them and forget the past; I have been getting help from the person who has mastered forgivness. The person who I fail time and time again, and who always takes me back and loves me just the same. I don't deserve it. I never will and I never have, and yet, there it is. When I fail and ask forgivness, He takes my sin and tosses it into the depths of the sea, and never remembers it again. What a gift!
So as I continue this journey of forgivness, and I continue to learn from the teacher and of all teachers, I pray tha I will learn to love like He loves, and to be able to forgive with a heart like His.

Friends.  You know, those people that you find at some point during your life, and every day you realize just how lucky you are to find them. The kind that when you get together to talk, you can talk for hours and hours and it seems like it's just been a few minutes. The Kind that, no matter how close or far they are, you still feel incredibly close. The kind of friends that God gives us to help us on our journey.
Usually, I don't post stuff like this on here, but today, I decided that I would. On Monday night one of my really good friends from Canada came to Tactic. She had been gone since last November, and I was really looking forward to seeing her. All day, I was waiting for 6 o' clock to roll around so that I could see her! It finally did.  When I got to the guest house and walked through the gate, I was standing there talking to a friend when all of the sudden she came running out the door and we gave each other a big hug! It was so good to see her! We were instantely making jokes and pulling out some of the inside jokes that we share. It was like we had never been apart and it felt like it had just been yesterday when we were hanging out all the time when she was here. I know that now a days, technology has made keeping in touch a whole lot easier, but still, even with all of that, some friendships just stick and stay together because that's what they were created for.
There have been hundreds of people walking through the doors of my house over the past 10 years, and it seems like every day I am meeting new people. Some of which, I stay in touch with, some I don't. Some become good friends, and some are only in my life for a little while. But I am always so very thankful, when a new friendships begins, the kind that you know will last you a life time.
I always love it when I recieve care packages from friends in Canada, sending me treats that I can't get here, or even just a litte note letting me know that they are thinking about me. I try to keep in touch the best that I can, but with my crazy schedule, sometimes I fall behind. But the greatest thing is that, with those friends, the ones that are forever friends, no matter how much we lack  communication over periods of time, I know that they care and they know that I care about them. I know that, even if I were to have no internet for the next year of my life, I could meet them for coffee somewhere, and pick up right off where we last were.  I truly am blessed to have such friends. Also my friends that I have like that right here in Tactic. Despite how busy we all are, we know that our friendships will always be there and we can always count on one another.
So to anyone reading this, thank you for being my friend. Thank you for always being there, for encouraging me and for cheering me on. I hope you know that I care about you. That I thank God for your friendship every day, and I pray that it will last forever.
 Love,
Jessee

So, my title says most of what I am going to say, but, I will explain what this post is all about.
As many of you know,  last year my plan was to get into medical school to become a Doctor. I was actually in school for 2 months before the University I was in closed their program. I then began the process to do my entrance exams in one of the other Universities, but they went on Strike, and medical school entrances came to a halt. So after my second try to get in to Medical school, I kind of gave up.
So since I was no longer a medical student and it seemed like every door that I tried, ended up closing, I began thinking that maybe medical school wasn't for me. I ended up thinking it enough that I started believing it.
This year in January, I enrolled in University to study  Highschool Eduaction, and it has been very interesting. However, everytime I hear about Medicine, or medical students, or anything that is relatively close to medicine, it makes me wonder about my decision to become a teacher. When I finally came to the terms that I would never become a Doctor, I really thought I was over it, and in some ways I almost felt relieved. There was no 6 years of school down the road, and life seemed to have an endless list of things I could do with it. But now that a year has gone by, and I am busy going to University to become a teacher, my desire to become a Doctor is still there.
The other day I recieved an email from a family friend who is a Doctor, asking me if I still wanted to puruse medicine. I was kind of suprised to recieve the email, but it made me think. As I read and re-read the email and tried to convince myself that I had no desire whatsoever to become a Doctor, I couldn't. I really couldn't.  Everytime I see shows on T.V to do with medicine, or I get called to the office to help with a student who got hurt on the playground, working along side a Doctor in the medical clinic, or anything to do with medicine, no matter how small, I feel so happy and I realize how much I love anything I have to do with medicine.
So, as I continue to pray about what God really wants for me, and I try to do the right thing, I hope and pray that I WILL make the right decision. 6 years is a long time, somedays it seems a life time a way. A 3 year teaching degree seems like the perfect alternative, I mean it's only half the time. But here's the thing, taking a short cut is never as fulfilling as working hard and doing things right, or in this case, doing the right thing.
I still don't know what exactly God is calling me to be, and sometimes I don't know if I am ready to say yes,  a wholehearted yes. I want to be able to do that, to lay everything at His feet. My dreams, plans, desires, EVERYTHING, without  looking back. To trust that His plans for me are always always ALWAYS good, even if that means giving up something I want for myself. I know that He will be faithful if I trust Him, and in the end, His plans will be so much better than I could ever imagine.

Today, while sitting in my Philosophy class and listening to my teacher go on and on about Religious Philosophy, something caught my attention. He was talking about people saying they are having faith, and yet they reason and analize whatever they are supposed to be having faith about and believing in. He continued to talk about the fact that technically, that isn't possible because, if you are really having faith about something, you can't be stopping to analize and reason about it. The simplicity and yet profoundness of that simple statement got to me, and even in the middle of a boring and hot philosophy class, God began to speak to me.
As I began to think about what my Profesor had said, I heard a small voice  inside of me begin to speak to me about that. Having " faith" and trying to analize and creat logic out of what is being told to me or asked of me. They are two completely different things,  two things that many times I do when it comes to things in life that I need to simply have faith about. So many times I say that I am believing God about something, and yet I stop and think about it and start to make myself doubt God's power. Time and time again I have heard God promise  me  something, or read a promise for me in His word.  Yet, I always find myself stopping to question it, to analize it, to try to find reason or logic in what He has promised, especially when it doesn't make sense. I try to get it to make sense, but really, when does God's greatness truly make sense to me? He is supreme, powerful and almighty, He is the one who makes this world spin in perfect orbit, the one who calms the seas, and yet, here I am, trying to reason with  and analize  the things He says. I was reminded today that it will never work.
God showed me in those few moments that, I can't truly trust Him, if I am going to try an analize and create out of what He says. I can either have faith, or I can try to analize, but I definetly can't do both. I can't do it, because it's wrong.
God doesn't ask me to have faith in Him, in His word, and in who He says He is going to be, just so  I can stop and try to find ways in which, what  He asks of me, don't make sense. Like when He tells me that giving is better than recieving, or when He tells me to love my enemies and do good to those who hurt me. They are things that don't make sense, and yet, If I trust Him, they turn out to make complete sense.
When I trust, and have Faith, true and sincere Faith, when I don't question what He is doing or why it makes no sense. When I simply rest in His promises and believe that He will do what He says He will do, and He will be who He says He will be. I find joy and peace, true joy and peace, and I can begin to  rest in the promise that; " All things will work together for my Good".

So, as I sit here at the computer, wanting to type up something interesting  for everyone to read, I find myself at a loss for words.  A state that unfortuntely, is not usually common for me. I always have something to say, something I want to say, and I can almost always, think of something to talk about. However, lately, I have found myself at a loss for words in different situations. Usually, when I hear something, something else will quickly come to mind, and my mind starts a rapid cycle of all the things I could say. But lately, there has been nothing.
Over the last few weeks, I have found myself worrying about different situations in my life. If I am at school, I am worrying about my homework and all the things I need to get done before the weekend. If I am at University on the weekend, I am worried about school and all the things that I need to get done for school for the next week. And when I am not worrying about school or University, I find myself worrying about a million other things.
I am a worrier( if that is even a word, ha. If not, I just made it up. :) , a planner and to many degrees a perfectionist. I like to know how things are going to work, and I also like to know why things are going to work the way they are working, and if they aren't working they way the should be, why? Ha. yes, I sometimes tend to drive myself crazy. But that's me, and I know that I need to work on fixing that, and during the last week God has been speaking to me about it too.
As I look back on my past year( 2010), I look back and see all the situations in which I worried about something that needed to work out, and I didn't know how it was going to. But then, I also look back and see that during all those times, God was working little by little, step by step, moment by moment, to make sure that my problem had a perfect solution. He showed me throughout the last year that, I don't need to worry about anything, even the situations and problems that to me seem impossible. He showed me that I don't have to worry because, He has everything, absolutely everything, under control.
Despite the fact that He is ruling the world and making sure that the sun rotates at perfect speed around the planet, despite the fact that billions of people all over this earth are trying to get His attention and despite the fact that He has to be in all places at once, doing a million different things at the same time, He has my world under control. He is the master juggler and has His act so put together, that He doesn't miss a beat. He hears me when I call to him, and He knows the state of my heart. When I am worried and afraid, He sees it and comes to my rescue. He gently whispers and reminds that, : " I don't need to worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself". He reminds me that, all I need to do is trust in Him, completely trust in Him, and that if I do that, He will make sure that everything else works out. It's a promise, and it's one that I know can trust.

My Weakness, His greatness. That is how I was feeling this week.
It was one of those weeks where I felt so inadequate in so many things. A week in which I felt like I was doing everything wrong, and making mistakes here and there and feeling so out of control.  They weren't huge, but none the less, I was feeling so unworthy of His grace, His mercy and His forgiveness. I was feeling completely weak.
To be completly honest, last week was a week in which I probably read my Bible the least, and prayed the least. I felt so tired at the end of the day that, by the time I got upstairs, I would fall asleep in the middle of doing anything. And, even though I was very busy, with lots to do, it still doesn't give me a valid reason to not have prayed and read my Bible more. Yes, I was busy, but my time that I have to spend with God each day, should never be cut short. I definetly had a lesson to learn.
However, that isn't what I am trying to focus on, yet, it does have to do with what I am talking about. So, as you can see, this week wasn't my greatest. I wasn't at a spiritual high, I wasn't feel completely strong in the Lord. My daily devotions had been cut short, and everything else that had to do with my spiritual life, felt like it was completely lacking.
On Friday afternoon, our highschool staff and students had a spiritual retreat at our Chamche school in the afternoon. We told all of the students that they could decide whether or not they wanted to come to the retreat having fasted, or if they didn't want to, that was fine, and the teachers had the same option. However, that morning I had voice lessons in Coban and after I was done, I went by the mall to get some things for my mom. As I was leaving I realized that it was lunchtime and decided to grab something to eat. The fast? Yep, I completlely forgot about it, right until I was half way done my food. Ooops!! I was feeling kind of bad. I knew it wasn't an obligation to fast, but still, I wanted to be an example to my students. But, apprently that wasn't going to happen anymore.
So, as I raced back home just in time to go and pick up a friend from school and then race back home, get changed and rush over to  the school, I was thinking about my week. Thinking about the fact that I was headed to a spiritual retreat in which I was going to help minister to my students and pray that God would change their lives. But the whole time, all I felt like was  a horrible example. No, my students didn't know I felt like that, but still, I felt like that and I kept spinning the thoughts around and around in my head.
Anyway, the retreat eventually started, and I was asked to go and play the keyboard. As I made my way up to the stage and sat down on tke keyboard, all I could say was "God please use me" Help me to minister and be a blessing to the students". To be honest, it was a half hearted prayer in the sense that, I believed it, but at the same time I was doubting.
Yet, as my fingers touched the keyboard and I began to play, I could feel God's presence around me. I could feel him breathing life into me. I looked out across the sea of my student's faces. They all had their eyes closed and their hands raised and were praising God. As the music grew, their voices sounded louder and louder and the presence of God in that place was so incredibely tangible. As the worship song finished, we went in to free style worship and Eduardo asked all the kids to just worship God and pour out their hearts to Him. They began to do that, and God's presence felt even stronger. I was awed and humbled at the same time.
As the afternoon continued and Eduardo and Wilfido spoke to the kids, I sat in the back and watched them all paying close atention to all that was being said. When it was almost finished, Eduardo asked me to go back up and start playing the piano. I went up, and listened as they made an altar call to the students. Asking them if they wanted to change their lives, if they wanted to live for him, no matter the cost. As I continued to play, I saw student after students slowly make their way to the front. I continued to play the piano. As I played and once again looked out and saw their faces, I saw tears. I saw broken hearts pouring out before the Lord. I saw humility and I saw a hunger for change.
As I sat there playing the piano and seeing the hunger and longing in many of my student's faces,  I heard God speak to me in a very small voice, reminding me that: "When YOU are weak, I am made STRONG". ha. As I heard that, I felt so full of love and grace. Here I was, having felt so inadequate throughout my week, feeling very low in my spiritual walk. And just when I needed it the most, God was able to breath new life in to me. He reminded me that I don't depend on my own strength, and that I can never do anything on my own. That I always need to turn to Him.
In my weakness and inadequecy, in my lack of faith and trust. He was made great, He was made strong. His power was seen in my  weakness.

So, once again, it has been a while since I have made a new post on here. Most of which has to do with the fact that my Laptop keyboard pretty much doesn't work, which makes it slighlty difficult to tpye :). The other reason bieng is that well, I am a very busy person this year, so much to do. And while, they are all things I like, most of the time I feel like I could add another 6 hours to my day.
Anyway, enough about that.......
Humilty. It's something that I have been learning lately. It's a hard lesson to learn, and frankly, not too easy. There is always a part of me that wants to rise to the occasion and try and not feel so   "vulnerable" when I am being Humble. There is  part of me that tries to make me feel that being humble means being weak, when really, that is so not true. I think Humility is a lesson that we all have to learn throughout life. It's one that I think we have to continue to learn and it never stops. Every day, we are given the opportunity to be humble, or to be proud, and only we can choose what type of people we want to be.
This past week, during various situations, I found myself placed in a situation that presented itself with a choice. To either keep quiet and say nothing, or to speak up and try to defend myself. The first time it happened, I was more than ready to speak up and try to defend myself from what the person was accusing me of. But then, all of the sudden, I heard  a small voice telling me to stay silent and to say nothing. I was having a hard time. ha. I love to talk, and especially when someone is accusing me of something that isn't 100% true. I mean, why would anyone want someone to think wrongly of them? But, as I was hearing the person speak to me, I heard that small quite voice telling me to stay silent, to simply say, "Okay, I will try to do better next time" and leave the situation be. Not to get angry or upset, not to strike back with something against them. But to simply say  "Okay"and put a smile on my face.
As my week continued, I found myself in different situations three more times. I began wondering if God was trying to teach me something.....I came to the conclusions that,  "I think He is" :). Humility. Such a small word, and yet, such a big lesson to learn. Our human nature finds it so easy to speak back, to try and defend our reputation, to try to walk away with our  "dignity" still in tact. Yet, I am beginning to find that, the more I keep my mouth shut and don't say a word, the  better I feel. Character is built everytime I decide to keep quiet, instead of speaking. Everytime I  decide to forgive and forget, instead of trying to defend my side of the story.
I have come to realize that, God is my defender, He is the one who fights for me. I don't have to try and defend myself. By keeping quiet, I am sending a message out, that is alot louder and efficient, than any defense I could think up for myself.  I don't have to try to get in the last word, or try to "keep my dignity".  It's a lesson we all have to learn at one time or another, and the more we fight it, the longer it will take to learn.
I am only at the beginning of this process, and I know I have a very long way to go. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that I can follow the example of someone who has perfected humility. Someone who being everything, kept silent when accused, and suffered to the lowest degree. He didn't speak up, He didn't try to defend himself. He simply kept silent and said nothing. His silence is one of the greatest examples of Humility we will ever know. His death on the cross and being nailed in the middle of two thieves,the ultimate humiliation. And yet he said nothing, no complaints, no arguing. Only  love, compassion and forgivness.
I am far from that type of reaction, but I pray that someday, I will be able to be like Him.

Today. A day that marks a new landmark in my journey called life, a day in which I am once again venturing into somewhat unknown territory and have nothing more to hold on to then knowing that God will continue to be faithful. Today, I went and registered for University classes, and ths time.....I am officialy in and yes, I will actually be able to study. No, it's not medical school to become a Doctor anymore, and I know that for some reason, God had different plans for me than medical school. I am now officaly registred to begin University next Saturday to become a Highschool Teacher, which is a three year program at one of the Universities in Coban. It's a new start, a new beginning, and a new chapter in my life. I am excited and yet aprehensive at how it will be.
I will be in a non-christian setting with non-christian friends, hearing very bad vocabulary and just being in an ambience that is anything but Christ centered or even close to it. I will be surrounded by people living egocentricaly for themselves, and seeking only to please and satisfy their needs. It's easy to get frustrated, to start pointing fingers and judging. I found myself doing so today while I was standing in line for hours trying to regsiter for classes. I heard a group of guys talking about dirty stuff and using an even dirtier language. Girls dressed in inapropiate ways, and people doing things in a manner that shouted the message that they were only thinking of themselves. I mean, I know we live in a very unperfect world, and I see it all around me in so many differnet things. But, being at University on Saturday's definetely reminds me of how much the people around me need Jesus.
Do any of them even stop to think that they do? Probably not many of them do, and the ones that do, don't know how to go about doing it anyway. Am I going to go in to class every Saturday and preach at them? No, I won't. But I know that what I can do is......love them when the opportunity presents itself. Not judging them or pointing my finger because, really, many times my own sin is no less than the different things they do with their lives. I am no different, and I have no right to act superior than any of them. My actions will speak louder than any words I could possibly think to say. Seeing Christ reflected in me and through me, is the best message I can present them with. Seeing true love...Christian love....God centered love towards them and other people around me, is what will really speak to their heart.
I pray with all my heart, that somehow God will use me. That, in some small way, I would be able to affect one or two people's hearts and give them something to think about. I don't want to change the world, but if I can change the way one or to people view the meaninig and purpose of living. If I can let them know that there is more to life and that's Jesus, I have made a change that will last for eternity. On my own I can do nothing, but with God's grace, I can do everything. I pray that He would be with me and would guide my actions. That He would puit the people in my path that are supposed to be there. That like Esther I could say, " For such a time as this" God has me in that University. That if I am supposed to help lead someone to Jesus, that I wouldn't miss that call and that the words from this song could be true in my Christian walk.
" Just love them like Jesus, carry them to Him. His yolk is easy, His is burden is light. I don't need the answers to all of life's questions. Just know that He loves them and stay by their side. Love them like Jesus."

It's been a while since I have posted on here and so I decided that now was as good a time as any to write something new :)
So, life........has lately been insanely and extremely busy, yet wonderful at the same time. School has started again, and my days are now occupied with planning class activities, weekly planning, marking and all the other wonderful things that a person does when they are a teacher. I love my job, I really do, and every afternoon when I head off to school to teach,  I get excited and happy to be able to be with my students. 
Since I am the Language Arts teacher in grade 8 this year, and I am a person who LOVES to read books, my goal this year is to get my students to love reading too. People in this country can hardly fathom why someone would want to read  for pleasure......it's like one of the most boring things they could possibly do with their time.  And yet, for all the people in the world who do like reading, we know for a fact, that nothing is farther from the truth.  I spent a whole 15 minutes the other day trying to get my students excited about reading and telling them about all of the wonderful things they can learn, and the places they can go while reading a book. The best thing? It worked, and they were all excited about reading and they said that wanted to read something. So......I started reading them a Francine Rivers book called, " The Last Sin Eater" and they are loving it! Everytime I come to class carrying the book, they all get excited and work as fast as they can so that we can have a few minutes to read the book. It makes my day every time :)
Other than that, I am busy teaching all my other subjects. Home Ec, English, and I start teaching Drama next week during one of the  three mornings that us highschool teachers work.
Anyway, the other day during our morning devotional time with the Highschool staff, we were praying for our students, and most of all, for unity among the highschool girls. For some reason, they just can't seem to get along and everyone is always fighting over boys. Sometimes, it can' be a little bit frustrating :) and yet we try to understand them, because, well............a few years back ,we were kind of the same :)
However, the other day, during the Devotional time with the students, 4 of the girls who are the "leaders" so to speak, asked to stand up in fronf of the whole student body and ask forgiveness for their behavior. I was shocked to see it, and yet, so very happy at the same time. It's a step in the right direction, and I just pray with my whole heart, that they will continue to take more. I also pray that somehow God would use me to reach out to those girls and to restore unity among all of them. They are all great girls, and I know that together, they could be such a blessing to each other and I want to believe that someday soon, they will be.
My life is crazy, my schedule is hectic and if I could, I would add another 10 hours to my day, so that I could get everything done. But I can't, and yet, sometime during my day I have to make sure that I take time to spend with my heavenly father. Between errands, voice lessons, weekly planning, marking and barely having time to see my friends, God always needs to have room. Some days I am so tired that I would like nothing better than to sleep until Sunday, but I can't and that's just how life goes. And yet, even throughout my day, God is speaking to me and showing me things through my students, through things I read and through songs we sing during our daily devotional time with the students.  He continues to remind me and show me that, He isn't contained to a certain place or time period of my day. He is everywhere and in everything.
He gives me the strength to get through each day and the wisdom and grace to face the challenges and struggles that I face. He gives joy when I can't find any inside of me, and He gives me reason to smile again. His mercies are new every morning and they never fail. No matter how things are,  how good or bad they get, He is constant and He is my steadfast rock. I can always look for Him and I always know that  I will find Him. If I call to Him, He will answer me and He will come to my rescue. What an amazing heavenly Father I have, and I truly couldn't ask for anything more in this life. There is nothing in this world that gets better than having someone who will always be there and who loves unconditionally. It's one of the greatest gifts that I have in life, and may I never take it for granted.
He's faithul,
He's true
He never ever fails.

So, tomorrow is the day before my First day back at school! I am very excited to get back to teaching and being with my students on a daily basis. I love each of my students dearly, and despite the times when they misbehave and have to be sent to the office :), they are a great buch of kids.
This year I will be teaching English to grade 10 and 11, Drama to grade 10, Home Ec to grade 8 and 10 and also Language Arts to grade 8. I have a full schedule and busy week of teaching, but it will be good, and it will keep me nice and busy :)
Tomorrow morning at 9, all 90 some of our staff will be gathering together for a special service that we have the day before school. The service consists of praying and worshiping together and being anointed with oil as we speak out loud our goals and our desires for change during this school year, and how we want to be used by God withing our classrooms and students. It's a very powerful morning!! So many years, God's power has just come so strong and moved all of our hearts and brought so much unity between all of us. So good!!
So that is what will be happening tommorow morning between 9 and 12 and I am excited to see what the Lord will do! I pray that God would speak to our hearts and show us His will and His plans for ous this coming year. That we would be able to see His heart as we look in to this new school year, and that all of our eyes could be fixed upon Him.
It's a new school year , a brand new start, to become better teachers and to love with all of the love that God puts in our hearts! I know it will be a geat year, because He is so incredibly faithful! And just as each year we look back and see His goodness, I know that this year will be no different. He stays the same, He doesn't change, He is so constant and powerful.
What a great God we serve! and as we all continue to head into this new year, may we never forget it! He is the same today, yesterday and forever, He never fails.

It’s 2011!! A brand new year full of new things! There are 363   brand new days left,  with an opportunity live better than the day before, 363 days to change history, and 363 new days to get to know and love God more!!
The unknown is always intimidating and can be somewhat scary at times.  There are so many possibilities of   things that could happen, some good and some bad. However, one thing that I know will be exactly the same all year round is this: God’s faithfulness and His great love for me. That isn’t going to change with this new year, nothing in this world can stop Him from loving me and for continuing to be my heavenly father who loves me oh so much. He has been faithful for the last 20 years of my life, and I know He isn’t going to stop now!  He loves me, and His plans for me and you this year are going to be more than wonderful…they will be absolutely and divinely perfect,  because, God doesn’t make mistakes.
On Wednesday, January 5th..my job as teacher officially starts again and we have our first staff meeting at 8:00 am Wednesday morning. I am very excited to begin a new school year and I am even more excited to see all the amazing things God is going to do this year. Will there be challenges? You  bet. Will they be hard? Yes. Will he continue to be faithful? You bet!  Will I get through them? You bet!! Not because of me or what I can do. But because, His power in you and me, is strong enough to trample the devil and to have victory.  So you see….everything is going to be okay.
As all of our staff in Impact Ministries gets ready for another year, I am confident that it will be even better than last year. Not in the same way, but in it’s own unique way. I pray that as we run around these next 2 weeks getting things ready for our students and the first day of school, that God would speak to all of our hearts. That He would prepare us for the big task  we have ahead of us, of shaping student’s minds and loving them like Jesus would. It’s a a great job, but at times, it can be a hard job. Not all students are the same, not everyone learns the same way and our patience gets tested. But, through it all, God asks us to be like Him and to love each and every one of our students like He would. To see them all through His eyes, as precious jewels, that are priceless and irreplaceable, each unique in their own and special way.
I ask and pray that God would give us each His grace every day as we wake up and get ready to go to school. That He would give us His eyes, His ears, His hands, His feet, and most of all, give each of us His heart. A heart that loves unconditionally, that forgives unconditionally, that listens to needs and has compassion. That doesn’t judge, not just the students, but one another. That there would be harmony within our staff…that we could be His vessels. Every day being used to make a small change in the world.
It won’t be easy, we will need His help. We will need YOUR prayers! So I ask for anyone who is reading this, that you would pray for our staff, that you would pray for Impact Ministries in Tactic Guatemala. That you would pray that this year would be even better then that last, and that as we begin a new year, that our faith in God would grow and that we would see His faithfulness day after day.  That we would never doubt that He is with us and that He would never for a second, stop being the center of it all.
So thank you for your prayers.Thank you for caring and thank you for loving and supporting all of us as we support others.
Until next time……
Jessee

Most of you know and have met my 2 and 1/2 year old baby brother Tim. He is such a good baby and everyday He brings a smile to my face with something he does. Babies and toddlers do so many things that have life lessons that we can learn from. Their innocence, their complete trust and their joy at even the smallest things of life.
The other night I woke up to Tim crying in his crib, so I got up and went to see what was the matter. As I walked into his room, all I could see was a faint shadow of him sitting up in his crib. As I got closer, I could see two little arms raised upwards wanting me to pick him up and hold him, which I did. And as I was standing there in his pitch black room, holding him and comforitng him from whatever had been bothering him, I was reminded of something  that I need to remember in my own life.
Just like Tim knew that if he called out to me  I would come, in the same way I have a heavenly father who is always there when I need him to be. Just as a child has complete confidence and trust knowing that whenever they are hurt, scared, tired, or whatever their need may be, they can always count on their parents being there for them. They don't walk around feeling like there is no one that will be there for them, never for a second do they doubt that everything will be okay as soon as mommy or daddy is around. Complete trust. Something so refreshing to see in today's world.
So many times, many of us live our lives forgetting that no matter what happens, we have someone who will answer our every call. We don't have to think up a long fancy prayer in order for him to answer. All we need to say is " Daddy I need you" and He will be there. Actually, He is always there, yet, many times we forget that. He is as close as we need Him to be, and He loves us more than we could imagine. Just like a child has complete trust in their parent's, the Lord wants us to have complete trust in Him. To never doubt His love, His faithfulness and His desire to see us do so well. To never for a second think that He is holding something back from us because He is a mean father. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
It is His grace and faithfulness that allows us to wake up every morning, that provides food, clothes and shelter for each and every one of us. It's because of Him and only Him that we are able to be who we are and live our lives every day. And yet, despite being all powerful, He is gives us each a free will.  He allows us to decide whether or not we are going to trust Him. The decision is in our hands, and only we can decide how much childlike faith we want to have.
As one of my favorite songs says: " Like a child I'll take you at your word, as these mountains of doubt  fade away.
Let's trust , completely trust. Let's have faith like child.

December. The time of year when we all look back on our year and realize that time is truly short. 12 months to a year and December seems like a lifetime away. Yet in a blink of an eye, December has creeped up on us and we are once again closing another chapter in life and getting ready to begin another one.
This past year has been a whirlwind of events, lots has happened, lots has changed, yet the one thing that has remained the same is God's grace, love and faithfulness. This year has brought many challenges, many hardships, and yet all I see when I look back is how God has brought me through them all. The good always seems to outweigh  the bad.  As  I look back and see how far He has brought me again this year, next year all of the sudden doesn't seem so scary and bad.
I don't know what tomorrow holds, I don't even know what a minute from now holds, and yet, I am at peace. I know that life isn't going to be perfect, next year will probably be no easier or harder than this last one. Just as many lessons to learn, just as many hardships, struggles and battles,and yet, just as many victories to win  from each one.  God remains the same, He will never change no matter how much the world around me continues to do so. He is always in control and He loves me. I know everything will be okay.
So as all of you come to the end of  another chapter that has been read and finished, another page of God's story for your life that has been completed.May you look back   and see God's goodness and Faithfulness. . May the good of this year be so much greater and better than the bad and sad that was in it. May your hearts be at peace knowing that, as another year comes to an end, and another one shortly begins, He will  never leave you and His plans for you are good.
So to all I wish a very Mery Christmas and a Happy and Prosperous new Year!

Hello Everyone, and welcome to my blog.
This is the site where I will be posting thoughts and things that are going on my life during the following year. I will be placing many of my Facebook notes on to here, and will no longer be posting notes on facebook.
So please feel free to follow me on my journey and take a peek at my world from time to time.
Until next time